Bleeding Tears, Lonely Nights

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Blind, Forgotten Truth...

Nice guys finish last, bad guys have a blast... a phrase I'd learnt a while back... I thought it was a matter of perception at first... but now I realise its true... the past few weeks a lot of things have been happening... that assured me that its a truth and not a matter of perception... all of it kinda makes me think... The Godfather... ever watched the movie?... well the movie wasn't so good and the sequels were worse... book was MUCH better... its like a fantasy... something I could never have... The Corleone Family... they could never fit in with society... and they never wanted to... so they created their own world... where everyone within is treated justly unlike whats happening outside the barrier of their world... outside, society... I wonder how it feels to be outcast from society... sometimes I feel it wouldn't actually be too bad... But then again... If I were outcast from one society... I'd have to join another, probably similar society... thats how small the world really is... to do good sometimes you have to resort to doing bad things... A paradox really... ah well...

Guess its been a while since I last updated... and a lot of stuff has been going on... lets make a list.. shall we?

hmmn.. since the last time I updated...
-My hairs been getting more curly
-I've met some new friends
-Friends found new *friends* that I don't really trust(call it paranoia... but I really trust my own paranoia well enough... don't tell me I'm thinking too much... I've enough experience to tell you its not a false alarm)
-Got some stuff for my comp
-Bought ninja socks...lol
-Got into playing dota all over again..
-Borrowed an amp and a guitar from shawn...
-The situation between me and my sis has worsened... and now my parents know she has an attitude problem

Hmmn well thats all thats been going on I guess... excluding whats been in and out of my head...

Its getting more often nowadays... As I stare down tall buildings... watch mrt doors closing... feel a knife... feel the wind as a car drivecs by... even walking down stairs... there are really so many ways to die... and well... so long... been thinking about "it"... yet... I'm not.. un"lucky" enough... or I'm too much of a coward.... yeah... I'm weak... I'm unintelligent... My english and other subjects suck(Lucky Os are over)... I'm such a bastard... yet... I can't bring myself to do it... I wouldn't dare... keep asking.. why?... why don't you even dare to put a knife to your skin... then you write it in some lyrics or you're blog... Worthless as a human being... A waste of the air, food and water all around...

I'm not a good friend
I've made so many empty promises
I've done so many things I regret
I've made so many cry
I'd like to be able to start everything over again
I've figured out its probably impossible
I'm still wishing she'd change her mind
I've realised thats probably impossible too...

geez... what a whiner I've become... where else can I do it?... might as well be here...

How much would it cost... just to make me... well... not me...

3:43 a.m. - 2006-10-28

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