Bleeding Tears, Lonely Nights

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Melancholy Soul

just an add on the the stuff i said in the previous entry... the stuff I've been thinking about...
"mainstreaming"
"people"
"trust"
"betrayal"
"narcissism"
mainstreaming(take music as an example)... hmmn... well... music in my opinion(which is possibly the same as several others) is for people to express how they really feel about anything... whether they hate this, hate that... upset about something.. or feeling downright glad for something... but theres where my point comes in... what is the impact of mainstreaming on music?... sure... mainstreaming has given several new people more jobs... up at mtv... over at radio stations, pubs and etc... but on the downside... it kinda has taken the emotional element out of music completely... now you just hear what the majority wants to hear... there is no longer a message that the song writers want to get across... okay... I admit... this isn't true for all songs that have gone mainstream... but it is for enough of them... nowadays.. you get sad songs sounding happy... and vice versa... you also hear the same things played over and over again until it gets boring... and other than that... you have people writing songs sounding almost exactly the same as other songs...
people... hmmn... mainly I've been thinking about maturity... does it really mean so much?... if you think about it... kids cause much less trouble than adults sometimes... kids don't make bombs, they don't rape, they don't kill(most of the time) and the list can go on... so whats the deal with maturity?... why insult others when they are so called, less mature... adults also make their fair share of the trouble...
trust... does it even exist anymore?... starting to have some doubts on that part... I guess I could say I don't really have any secrets left because of this...
betrayal(see above)
narcissism... hmmn... isn't everyone narcissistic at some point?... or is it just how some live their lives... oh well... I don't really know how to judge how narcissistic people are... heck.. some even dont't know what it means... again... this could probably relate to mainstreaming... but... what the heck....

oh well... back to the entry...

somehow.. i think I'm going blind...after looking at the com screen for like 20 minutes it starts to get blur... and so does everything around me after that... maybe my eyes are just light sensitive... but still... it really sucks... now... about my life... hmmn... lets track back.. shall we?... hmmn...
sunday 16 july
Christabels confirmation
woke up about... errr.... 11/12+?... cant remember... anyway... about 1445 or so.. i left my house to go to OLPS church for her confirmation... met up with Jeremy, Genevieve and Donna during the mass... lets fast forward to just after mass... hmmn... we hung around the err...(geez i forgot wheres the place called) first floor of the church?.. for a while... saw several familiar faces... and then hit my head on the way out(lame... but it was an actual sign saying "way out" that I hit my head on)... anyway... erm.. a while later... we snuck into the library... and me and jeremy had a feeling that we werent supposed to be there... anyway... there were some plates of food... and i guess we took some?... after that... jeremy and donna kept playing with my hair... is it really that nice to play with... oh well.. then... i decided to go home... so I took a bus home after saying bye to christabel and others...
17-21 july
the week... hmmn... school was normal I guess... had this student feedback form which I was happy to fill up... on account of that darn GAN... "A very biased lecturer, who is unwilling to repeat for those who may not understand"... my comments... I'm not afraid to say it... because its TRUE!!!... hes very biased against me and 4 other students... Example... friday... the whole class was extremely noisy... till I couldn't really do my work... but before all that... he came up to me and said... "haha... the past few weeks you didn't come, the class very quiet".. this week... I actually tried to do my work... and never really talked... eventually I'd say... "would you guys shut up?... I'm trying to study... for once"... and he would jus ignore it... it wasn't even me making the noise god dammit... anyway... after class on friday and err... wednesday... i went out to clementi to play at the cybercafe... thats all for this week... and last
22 july, saturday
been sleeping pretty much today... played 1 or 2 hrs of the PS2 but thats about all... oh and I watched " The Last Samurai" on Cinemax too...

hmmn... been so damn long already... and still making no progress... I wan to give up.. yet I can't... well... actually I don't really wan to give up.. but I know I have to.... so sorry... geez... I know I'm a freak... I realise that perhaps... I'm meant to live on my own... oh well... no problem... it'd be just live "40 year old virgin" I guess...or perhaps nothing like that... oh what the hell... I'm doing what I hate most... whining...

12:03 a.m. - 2006-07-23

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